Cotton Gives Me Goosebumps

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor

2011-03-28T10:02:00.003-05:00

Jealousy. a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.

My jealousy stems from relationships. Past relationships. Not lover relationships, either. Parental.

I see how close a father and daughter are. I'm jealous. I photograph weddings. Hands down- hardest part of the day for me? Father/daughter dance. And please don't go playing some sappy daddy loves his daughter song because it's just not professional to cry while trying to capture a beautiful moment for a client.

You've probably read how I've recently made contact with my biological father. His daughter and son. They are wonderful people. I find myself with so many questions. Why hasn't this happened earlier? Why did life keep us apart? Why was this daughter and son more important than THIS daughter? Was I not good enough? Were you too busy, and HOW could an innocent CHILD not be an ultimate priority? In my life, in my decisions, having children of my own, no way would I ever NOT be in constant contact with my child. No matter the situation. Never ever would I not have a solid relationship with them. I'm not saying in any way that I think this man I call by his first name is a bad person. I think he's great. I just know there are things I do not know, situations I'll probably never know. Doesn't mean I'll ever understand. Or that I'm not jealous. Jealous of their closeness, jealous of the daddy daughter love, jealous that he's been there for her, jealous that she'll get to dance with him during the sappy song.

Wish I had someone to call Daddy.

and I'm jealous that she does.

Where does the time go?

2011-01-24T12:38:00.006-06:00

It seems like yesterday. I remember the nausea feeling every morning that week. Went home for lunch on Friday with a pregnancy test purchased at the grocery gossip store here in town. Hoping I had the results before the entire town knew. Did my thing and was so completely excited I immediately called Justin. I just couldn't hold it until he got home that night!!

In one month he'll be 5. My baby will be 5. As I watched him walk into the school today all by his big boy self, I just wonder where the time has gone. We're already half way thru his preschool year and in September he will start Kindergarten. Kindergarten! I thought Colby was just in Kindergarten!?! Which brings me to another teary eyed thought. Colby is already 8.. and a half. In September, he will turn 9 and begin 3rd grade. My first born. We push them so hard to talk and walk and be independent, then it's bittersweet once they do. We'd be sad if they didn't grow, I just wonder why they have to grow so fast.

Two Thousand One

2011-01-19T23:48:00.008-06:00

That year was a very emotional one for me. I'm a firm believer of my past creating the person I've become, I just wish God would have taken it a little easier on me that year.

Ten years ago, I was engaged, betrayed, broken, I lost a few friends, & gained a new love (well, 2 new loves). It was a year of broken promises. It was the end of me as I knew it, the beginning of what would become an amazing life.

The proposal-Valentines Day. The ring was gorgeous, it promised me a nice life, with nice things. Was it possible for me to exchange my needs, myself, my soul? With him, I was empty. He had changed, he promised he had changed. I said yes, only to go down that same road with him as I had so many other drunken nights. A ring didn't change his cheating or abusive ways. Lesson learned. Finally.

Summer-I moved into a new house with my best friend. With my engagement now off, and her recent separation from a boyfriend, we were ready to have some fun!! Those were the nights I can't remember, & friends I'll never forget.

Kelly and I had some pretty amazing times in our little house. Met a lot of new people, made a lot of friends. Our friendship had grown stronger than it had ever been. You see, Kelly and I have a lot of history. We were roommates before, we leaned on each other thru everything- boy problems, money problems, parent problems, you name it. I was her rock, she was mine. Yes, we fought. We had disagreements. We were honest with each other and worked it out. I could not imagine her not being in my life. I always thought when I had children, she would be "Aunt" Kelly. She was my very BEST friend. Ever.

Little did I know, my best friend ever, would break my heart into a million pieces...

Then, there was this guy. He lived across the street from my mom and Kraige. He was cute, drove a nice truck and always had dry cleaning on Fridays. Yes, I was.. let's just say.. observant. He had a sticker on his back window that said "show me your boobies"- seriously? What kind of over confident, asshole puts a sticker like that on his truck? Anyway, my mom kept mentioning that he was a nice guy, despite the sticker, and asked me if I minded that she gave him my phone numbers. I figured, what the hell... Little did I know, that guy.. with the repulsive sticker.. would be the love of my life. After our first date, we couldn't get enough of each other. He was pretty amazing. I still needed "approval" from Kelly. She loved him, thought he was one of those guys that every girl wants. More than a lover.

The End- of the year, of a friendship, of me as I knew it.

My life was turned upside down. It's December and "I'm late" Yes, girls, we all know what that means. This guy, the one that I speak of being so great? Well he proved himself that day. He showed me how much he did love me, that there are good guys out there.

Coming from a broken, more like fractured home life, that was the last thing I wanted to bring a child into. This baby would have stability. A home, one home. Justin and I decided that we would move in together. Either my house until the lease was up, or find another place. It was all up to Kelly- what she needed, if she had another roommate, if she could afford it alone. She didn't quite take it as I had hoped. Again, knowing her past, I thought she would be proud of our decision to create a "normal" home environment for our baby, I thought she would congratulate me. She yelled. "Biggest mistake you've ever made" "He'll leave you and the baby" ... on and on. She yelled the meanest, most hurtful things I've ever heard come out of someones mouth. It was hate I saw in her that day. My best friend- she hated me for my decision to put my baby first. Hate. It's pretty powerful.

So, there I was. She broke my heart that day. Changed the locks MY house and we never spoke again. That's how my very best friend ever, tore me down to nothing.

In the end, she was wrong. He didn't leave me. He loved me- loves me still. I was strong enough to finally stand up for what I believed was the right thing to do for myself and this new life I was bringing into the world. Through all that, the loss, the heartbreak, the hurt- I had risen above. I found a man that loved me with all his heart. He's the best father and husband and with all the hurt, I wouldn't change a thing.

A new year

2011-01-17T12:27:00.003-06:00

It's a new year and a new beginning.

It's my year, 2011::

I will smile more..laugh often.

I will follow the Golden Rule :: Do unto to others as you would have them do unto you.

I will say I'm sorry.

I will compliment.

I will read more.

I will listen, really listen.

I will hug more.

I will have more fun.

I will eat more vegetables.

I will be a better friend.

I will give myself a break.

I will say thank you.

I will appreciate.

I will think more about you, less about me.

I will save.

I will have more faith.

I will forgive.

Most of all, I will forget.

These are my goals for 2011. What are yours?

ABC's of Me

2010-09-27T08:24:00.000-05:00

*** Remember to share your links with me so I can learn more about you!***

A. Are you a PC or a Mac? PC, Never used a MAC, but have heard lots of pros and cons
B. Best current show on TV: hmm.. I'd have to say Desperate Housewives

C. Chore you hate: LAUNDRY!!!
D. Dogs or Cats? Dogs I love, but we have a cat

E. Essential "start the day" item: Shower

F. Favorite color? Blue
G. Gold or Silver: Silver for sure H. Height: 5.4
I. Instruments you play: I played the Viola in 4-5th grade.. does that count??
J. Job: Stay at home mom, wife, and photographer

K. Kids: 2 boys, 4 and 8
L. Living Arrangements: Small house in a small town

M. Mom's Name: Debbie

N. Nickname: Mama, Mom, Mommie

O. Overnight Hospital Stay: When the boys were born via C-Sections

P. Pet Peeve: Liars, bad drivers, whiners, backstabbers...

Q. Quote from a movie: Karen: I can't go out.[fakes cough]Karen: I'm sick.Regina: Boo, you whore.
R. Righty or Lefty? Righty
S. Siblings? A younger brother and sister

T. TV Shows:Desperate Housewives, CSI- any and all of them, Criminal Minds, Greys, Private Practice, Bachelor, Bad Girls Club, Snapped, America's Next Top Model
U. Underwear: VS
V. Veggie you dislike: Spinich and Onions
W. Ways/reasons you are late: I like to sleep until the last possible minute and then rush around
X. Expiration dates – do you keep or toss? Depends, probably toss

Y. Yummy food you make: Ham and cheesy potato soup

Z. Zoo animals you like: Penguins

Marriage

2010-07-22T14:08:00.000-05:00

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

{senior tips)

2010-04-01T08:40:00.001-05:00

First of all, try ot avoid stripes and plaid prints!! Solids photograph much better! With today's fashion of bold patterns and lots of color, don't be afraid to wear 1 or 2 trendy outfits. Just don't do all of your outfits that way! Also bring a variety of color. Don't bring 5 blue outfits, even if your favorite color is blue. Avoid clothing that has wording on it except for your own school logo. Vary the style of your outfits. All one look (like tanks) gets boring. Vary the dress level also. Bring some dressy, some dressy-casual, and some casual. Remember, it is best to do 1 or 2 outfits that mom likes. Then we can do the stuff YOU like.
Our new sessions let you do unlimited looks within your time period. This means if you change fast, then you get more variety. Spend all day in the dressing room, your will have less time in front of the camera. Most people can do 3-4 outfits per hour. Bring double the amount of outfits that you think we will use. This way we have more variety to pick from for your session.
Forget the nylons! They are a hassle! Plus, they will not show in your portraits. So there is no reason to bring them.
Some shots are close up, others are full length. Plan your outfits completely. It is hard to do a full length formal in your dress if all you brought were flip flops and old tennis shoes. Bare feet are always an option also.
Group your outfits together ON HANGERS. It is amazing how many people come in with their clothes stuffed in a plastic bag and wonder why they are wrinkled! Make sure they are ironed before your session. For quick touch-ups, you may want to bring wrinkle releaser spray products.

Sandy Puc

2010-03-31T12:49:00.003-05:00

Went to an amazing seminar this weekend. If any photographers out there have not seen her, it's a must see! All the work she does for charity is amazing. There are so many changes she inspired me to make- both personal and business.

We received a free month to Sam's World University which has great ideas- templates, brushes and so much more! I loved her because she doesn't consider another photographer as competition, but as a friend. She welcomes it and teaches you how to market yourself, the use of lighting, set up of studios, even how to deal with those adorable little children :) She covered so much in a few hours, our heads were spinning when we left!

Sandy's seminar was very inspirational and I look forward to putting my ideas to work with SaraMac, my long time friend and fellow photographer. I look forward to our brainstorming meetings and the charity events we plan together. Sandy Puc started shooting in her home and look where she is now. Everyone has to start somewhere.

All I want for Christmas..

2009-12-28T11:50:00.002-06:00

My friend got one of these for Christmas and loves it.. I think it's what I'm buying with my Christmas money this year :) Check it out!!

http://joby.com/gorillapod

I love you..

2009-12-16T19:46:00.008-06:00

Ladies!!! I know we are not even thru Christmas yet, but it's time to start booking Valentines Day sessions!!! I know, I know.. it's so early!!! BUT.. let's get those sessions scheduled. Come enjoy a little studio time with the girls, get comfortable and let's take some awesome photos for that hubby! What better gift to him than an awesome photo album of.. YOU!!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-16T12:53:00.002-06:00

The Wooden Bowl

2009-12-15T11:50:00.000-06:00

The Wooden Bowl

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now,
a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson.
The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and
failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about father,' said the son.
'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.
Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded,
'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.
' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.
For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,
neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

And my boys..

2009-12-14T22:17:00.002-06:00

They are growing up fast. Zaner is in preschool and learns more and more everyday. He's loosing his little New Yorkan accent and talking like a grown up boy :( Colby is loosing more and more teeth week by week, getting taller, acting all grown up. It's a proud day and a sad day for a mom around here. At least the little one still calls me mommy :)

Skater, guitar playing senior

2009-12-14T21:53:00.002-06:00

Thanks for Phillip and going along with my crazy places I made him pose :) He was a good sport.. and I can't take all the credit as he had a few ideas for himself!

Shame on me..

2009-12-14T20:57:00.005-06:00

I've completely let my blog go over the last few months! I promise to keep up with it more in the future... I've also missed out on all my friends' blogs!! So much to read up on now.

Life is good.. been super busy with photography and that's my excuse anyway :) It's now time for a little vacation!

Christmas shopping is DONE, photo orders are IN, Christmas Cards are OUT :) That pretty much completes my small list this year.

But before I leave my small and sweet blog for tonite, I'm posting some of my faves from a few shoots this week :] Just one of my most favorite little boys that I get to spend time with every day!

2009-10-12T09:30:00.001-05:00

Silver and Gold

2009-10-12T09:14:00.006-05:00

Awe... found this in my drafts. Never posted.

The Girlscout song.. make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold. I remember when I heard this song, I had all the friends a person could possibly need. I said, I will never have any "New" friends... nor would then be "old" haha.
I've been very blessed to have both Silver and Gold friends. One of my great highschool friends, Kindra and I went to Winchester VA this last weekend to see another highschool friend get married. We had a great time.. just like old times. We discussed how our husbands really have no idea how exactly alike her and I are... If they only knew! We had a nice little break from the day to day life, but it was a toss up between us and who was more excited to get home to the family!
Jill was a beautiful bride, wedding ceremony was very Greek-Orthodox, reception was beautiful. It's really amazing how people change over the years. Jill and I have had our ups and downs, but I believe she and Kindra are my Gold.
Silver is for all the friends I've made since school. Tonya, Sadie, Kelly, Jill, Mary.. I've been blessed to have so many great friends in my life. Where would we be with out our girlfriends? Always there when you need them, always there with a beer when you need one.
So, thanks to my silver and gold.. I love you with all my heart.

7 year olds

2009-09-25T23:44:00.003-05:00

God, Please grant me patience and understanding.

2009-09-10T09:13:00.002-05:00

GOD, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the
things I can,
and the Wisdom
to know the difference.

Weekend photo shoots.. Sunflowers and Seniors

2009-08-10T08:40:00.007-05:00

Here are a few of my favorites from my most recent photo shoots. Still enjoying everyday as a photographer.

I need a tree

2009-08-02T17:41:00.001-05:00

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one ton truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

'Oh, that's my trouble tree,' he replied 'I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children.. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again.' 'Funny thing is,' he smiled,' when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before'."

Forgiveness

2009-06-24T21:35:00.002-05:00

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

All my life I have struggled with forgiving. People that I should have forgiven years ago have passed, and I wish with all my heart I would have been able to tell them I forgave them. I struggle every day to realize that no one is perfect and people make mistakes. So this I vow to say every morning, this is my prayer.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

photographer?

2009-06-15T19:55:00.003-05:00

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off
now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,
Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been
expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with
that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long.'



      Mrs. Smith fainted

The most beautiful surprise...

2009-05-24T00:25:00.003-05:00

It's been a little while since I've been able to sit down and write. Summer has begun and we are busy. I've been sold into coaching for Colby's machine pitch team, which is ok. Kids are kids and as long as they have fun, so will I. Meeting new people in town is always nice too. In a few weeks, I will also be helping with the vacation Bible school. Yeah, I guess this is the beginning of another 15 years of volunteering.
So, in the middle of all my busyness, I get the most wonderful surprise... My biological Dad, Jeff calls. Says him and his wife are in town and would like to see me! How exciting it was. I can't explain in words the anxiety that I felt as the moment neared. My hands were shaking, my heart beating a little faster. I'm not sure what I was thinking.. at first, that all was ok.. second.. hmm. I don't even know. When I saw him and Becky walking up, I know my whole body tensed up.. But, when I walked out that door and he was there with open arms.. it was like I was this little girl running into the arms of her Daddy. Of course I cried.
The hug. Oh, the hug. It was like the long awaited hug and I didn't want to let go. Anyone that knows me, knows that I struggle with hugs. I hug my husband and boys more than I can count on my fingers and toes everyday.. but friends, strangers, other family? I just struggle. My friend Tonya once told me that she could tell that I was very uncomfortable with the first hug we shared. I'm getting better- thank you Tonya :).. but back on the "daddy" hug. I will always remember that moment. It was the tightest hug, I felt like he didn't want to let go. Like all of those years that have passed.. all of those hugs missed.. ah. The hug. Again, when they parted, we hugged again. I felt as if, all the years missed, all the blame I've laid upon him, all the anxieties... gone in an instant. In a hug. Don't get me wrong, I'm trying to keep the "amy" guard up, but it almost seems impossible with him. As if my heart knows he's a good person. That it knows that he won't hurt me. I've prayed for years that we would once again find each other. It's now happened and I continue to pray that my heart will not again be broken.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-20T23:38:00.001-05:00

Kids.. they make my heart smile

2009-05-19T17:30:00.000-05:00

On my way home one day, I stopped to
watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a
park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-
base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was
'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered
With a smile.

'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you
don't look very discouraged.'

'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a
Puzzled look on his face...

'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't
Been up to bat yet.'

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-14T08:29:00.002-05:00

wordless wednesday

2009-05-06T09:26:00.002-05:00

Oh, they grow so fast...

2009-05-06T00:27:00.002-05:00

You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once. ~Polish Proverb

It seems like just yesterday he was born. He gets so embarrassed when I talk about him being my baby. He's such a big boy now. Looking at this photo, I remember when the Easter bunny brought that bike to him 2 years ago.. with training wheels.. and look at him go. Now time for a new bike, next thing ya know, we will be in highschool, then graduating, then college... boohoo.
I am blessed.

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back. ~William D. Tammeus

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

21

2009-05-03T19:24:00.001-05:00

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

Deep breath... ahhhh

2009-04-26T18:19:00.003-05:00

What is it about a deep deep breath that calms the nerves just a bit, slows the pulse, and ahhhh makes you attempt to see things in a different light? You ever notice, right before you finally fall asleep.. you take a big deep breath.. then off to wonderland.
When I am in a photo shoot, before I start.. deeeep breath... ahhhh. Now I am ready to shoot! I feel that I am a very good people reader and can tell when a model is feeling a little uncomfortable with the photo shoot. Usually at the beginning... so I say, take a deep breath, wiggle the shoulders and loooosen up!!! After that we get awesome shots!!
So as I write this, I am trying very hard for that deep breath tonite but for a reason unknown, I feel as if I am suffocating. I just can't take that deep breath I talk so much about. I can't quite explain it any better than that. Maybe I am in need of a personal vacation? I love my family. My husband and two boys.. more than anything in this world. As big as the sun and the moon and the sky is what Zane says. But somedays, it's just all too much. Maybe I expect too much from myself? I'm sure that's it. I bring all this on myself. To be the perfect wife and mother. To be the best I can be at my job. To please everyone, everyday I can. To have perfect children... one's that actually listen. To be the very best possible friend to the wonderful people I have in my life. To have the cleanest house. To do this, to do that. I expect a lot from myself and feel as if I fail everyday.
I once wrote this quote.. there is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one. Words to live by, but I just can't seem to take my own advice. Is it being a woman that makes me this way? My husband does not feel this way. He expects much of himself but the way he handles it amazes me. I admire the way he deals with things.. well, most of the time :) Me, the hormonal woman, just cries, or shuts down with the irritation scale on high.
I need to stop... to take a deep breath.... Ahhh... deep breath.. ahhhh.. deep breath...
I feel a little better, but still have so much on my mind tonite..

2009-04-08T22:06:00.000-05:00

A good explanation for all those people who ask and complain about why professionals charge what they do for photos:

Why are Professional Photographers so expensive?

In this digital age where everyone has digital cameras, scanners and home "photo printers", when people upload their photos to a local drug store website and pick them up a few hours later, we hear this all the time - How in the world do Professional Photographers charge $55 for an 8x10 when they cost just $1.50 at the drug store?

Here's why.

Simply put, you're not just paying for the actual photograph, you're paying for time and expertise. First, let's look at the actual time involved. If you don't read this entire page, at least read this first part.

For a two hour portrait session:
- one hour of travel to and from the session
- two hours of shooting
- 30 minutes of setup, preparation, talking to the client etc.
- 30 minutes to load the photos onto a computer (2 - 4 Gb of data)
- 30 minutes to back up the files on an external drive
- 3 - 4 hours of Photoshop time including cropping, contrast, color, sharpening, saving a copy for print and a copy for the internet and backing up the edited photographs
- 2 - 3 hours to talk to the client, answer questions, receive their order and payment, order their prints, receive and verify prints, package prints, schedule shipment and drop package off at Fed Ex.
- For local customers, we also print a set of all of their photos, and meet them at our studio to review the photos and place their order. Meeting and travel time averages 2 hours.
You can see how one two hour session easily turns into more than ten hours of work from start to finish. So when you see a Photographer charging a $200 session fee for a two hour photo shoot, you are not paying them $100 / hour.

For an eight hour wedding:
- I won't bore you with the details, but an eight hour wedding typically amounts to at least two to three full 40 hour work weeks worth of time. Again, if they are charging you $4,000 for an eight hour wedding, you are not paying them $500 / hour.

Now for the expertise.

Shooting professional photography is a skill, acquired through years of experience. Even though a quality camera now costs under $2,000 taking professional portraits involves much more than a nice camera.

Most Professional Photographers take years to go from buying their first decent camera to making money with their photography. In addition to learning how to use the camera itself, there is a mountain of other equipment involved, as well as numerous software programs used to edit and print photographs, run a website etc.

And let's not forget that you actually have to have people skills, be able to communicate, make people comfortable in front of the camera - and posing people to make them look their best in a photograph is a skill all by itself.

Think of it this way - the next time you pay $X to get your hair done, a pair of scissors only costs $1.50. But you gladly pay a lot more to hire a Professional.

What about the cheap studios at the mall?

Please don't compare us to the chain store studios. But if you must, consider all of the time and work that we put into our photographs, compared to what they do. Good luck getting a two hour photo shoot at a chain store. Not to mention they won't come to the beach! And of course, look at our work compared to theirs. You get what you pay for.

The truth is, most of the mall and chain store studios lose money. In fact, in 2007 Wal-Mart closed 500 of their portrait studios because of the financial drain they were putting on the company. What the chain stores bet on is that you'll come in for some quick and cheap photos, and while you're there, you'll also spend $200 on other things. They don't have to make money, they are just there to get you in the door.

Conclusion
We hope that those who have taken the time to read this page will have a better understanding of why professional photographs cost so much more than the ones that you get from your local drug store.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

copied here from : http://www.caughtonfilmphoto.com/costofphotography.html

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-01T10:23:00.003-05:00

25 more random things...

2009-03-29T11:25:00.000-05:00

1. I am addicted to McDonalds Coke.
2. Flipflops are my fav accessory.
3. Farmtown addict
4. So extremely excited to start remodeling my kitchen!!!!!
5. I have the most awesome friends ever.
6. I have a husband that adores me and all my silliness.. well, most days :)
7. My cat snores.... loud.
8. I chewed thru a night time mouth piece in two nights.. I grind my teeth just a little.
9. Really? Airlines charge for bathroom usage on plane??
10. So if I don't have any change, would they rather clean the pee off my seat?
11. I am easily sidetracked.
12. I can make one hell of a casserole with random things in my cupboards.
13. I could never take too many photographs.
14. I wish I was as carefree and happy as my 3 year old.
15. I cried when I looked thru photos of the boys when they were babies.
16. Recently came in touch with new family that couldnt be more exciting to me.
17. I sleep with my feet hanging out of the covers... oh, and don't even try to jump in bed with me with socks on.
18. One of my least favorite qualities about myself is the inability to forgive and forget.
19. I want to taste a yellow watermelon.. yes, they have them.
20. When I get mad, I clean house.
21. I'm just starting to read Twilight.
22. I actually found a brand of cotton balls that doesn't get me chills... well, as bad anyway.
23. Powdered milk?? eww... I said easily sidetracked.
24. I miss the 80's.. side pony's and all
25. I sing or rhyme almost everything in my head... like after the 80's comment.. I sang "i love rock n roll, put another dime in the jukebox baby, i love rock n roll...."
26. I'm psychic because I know you are now singing "i love rock n roll...." lol
27. I kick @ss playing that song on Guitar Hero.
28. I text my husbands best friend more than my husband texts him.
29. Funhater was totally MY word before everyone stole it :)
30. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, four... that's my weakness.... I won't hit the floor.. maybe tequila makes her clothes come off is more my song. lol.
31. See, I totally got sidetracked.. this is a 25 random things and I went to 31. I know, I'm crazy, spacey, what ever you wanna call it- but my friends and family LOVE ME :) Cause I'm AWESOME. lol

A Daddy's Love... a Mama's Pride... & Friends Forever

2009-03-20T13:53:00.007-05:00

My heart is scared...

2009-03-13T10:10:00.002-05:00

My friend Tonya's recent successful search for long lost family inspired me to start my own search.
I don't think I had any idea what I was getting myself into. My life is great as it is. My mom and I have grown closer over the years and the only man that has ever been a father figure to me, Kraige is an awesome Grandpa to my boys. I've told myself many many times that if my biological father wanted me in his life then he would have looked for me. That it's his loss for not knowing me and my family. I secretly hoped it would weigh heavy on his heart if he knew about us.
As I write this, my heart is fluttering with anticipation. I found my biological dad's two kids on Facebook- gotta love Facebook! After they so kindly accepted me as a friend, I've browsed their pages to see the description of their lives. As much as I think it's awesome that they are a very close brother and sister, I've got this overwhelming feeling of jealousy. They speak of this wonderful dad and grandfather they have and my heart breaks. I don't understand why I never knew that wonderful dad. I question why my boys don't know that awesome grandpa. I question why my Mom felt it was "best" that I didn't know why my dad was until I was older. I question why my "dad" never felt it necessary to search for this daughter he had. Or, did he search and my mom keep him away? I feel this huge hole in my heart now for the life I could have known, for the people that could have been a huge part of my life, for all the love I've missed out on. As I looked thru the photos of the family, I see so much of myself in them. The pictures of the new grandbaby strongly resembles my little Zane when he was a baby.
How does one take all of this in? What will happen if they don't accept me? If they don't want to get to know me? I don't think I know what I've got myself into.
My heart is scared. I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared of heartbreak.

Quote for the day

2009-03-12T17:12:00.001-05:00

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-11T12:53:00.001-05:00

Tutu Gurlzzzzz

2009-03-11T02:49:00.004-05:00

Tuesday night.. girls night. Woot Woot! We had fun. Crazy, silly, be ourselves fun. Every woman needs friends like mine :) Yeah, we're crazy.... with or without alcohol. Say hello to the Tutu Gurlzzzz.....I've not laughed this hard in... oh, probly a week. haha.hehe. Have a great day.

Ten things about...

2009-03-11T02:32:00.002-05:00

Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people (don’t list names):
1. I'm happy for you
2. I wish you'd walk with me :)
3. I wish you would write me back.
4. I'm glad we don't talk anymore because you arent who I thought you were.
5. Why am I not important enough for you to search for me?
6. I'm sorry.
7. Why did you do that to me?
8. What was it like?
9. You're not what he makes you think you are.
10. You were right.

Nine things about yourself:
1. Cotton gives me goosebumps.
2. I wish my eyes were green.
3. I have the craziest dreams.
4. I love my kids more than anything in this world.
5. I love flip flops.
6. I'm enjoying my thirties.
7. I have a scar on my right arm from my grandmas camper.
8. I fell in a lagoon once trying to catch a frog that was just... outta..my..reach.
9. I love being with my friends and family.

Eight ways to win your heart:
1. Scratch my head.
2. Big strong hug.
3. Love me.
4. Kiss my forehead.
5. Look me in the eyes.
6. Random notes... on mirrors.. in lipstick :)
7. Let me rest my head on your heart.
8. Watch my while I sleep.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
1. I need a vacation.
2. My boys.
3. Did I pay that bill?
4. McD's coke.
5. Really? More laundry?
6. I really need a pedicure.
7. I'm ready to paint.

Six things you wish you never had to do:
1. Laundry
2. Stress
3. Go to dentist
4. work- other than my photography
5. pay bills
6. See my kids hurt or cry.

Five turn offs:
1. Bad breath
2. Boogies
3. Ignorance
4. Bad smell
5. Unhappyness

Four turn ons:
1. Looks me in the eyes.
2. Scratch my head, play with my hair
3. Very Sexy cologne for men
4. Tan-summer-working man with blue eyes

Three wishes for your future:
1. Health to see my grandkids
2. Home in the country
3. To be known for my photography

Two things you want to do before you die:
1. Skydive
2. Drive a racecar

One possession you could not live without:
1. My camera

My biscuits are burning!!!

2009-03-01T17:13:00.003-06:00

Bath time is great around the house. It's nice to let the boys sit in the tub and play. They always have such a good time. If they are not getting along playing with toys, they will always get along in the tub. Plus gives them time to soak their stinky butts, right?? Haha. Anyway, as always, I run the water cool until they get in and then I turn up the heat a bit so they don't turn into icicles. Their version of warm and my version are complete opposite. Anyway, I had turned up the warm up just a bit and a few minutes later Colby says "Mom"... as he has his hands holding his "stuff".. "Mom, my biscuits are burning, you gotta turn the cold back on!" Hmmm. I had to refrain myself from laughing because we all know if it makes someone laugh they will do it over and over and over and that's just what I need is a boy telling everyone in the grocery store that his mom burnt his biscuits! lol.
So shower safe and be sure not to burn your biscuits!!!

Custom Invitations, Announcements, Thank You cards, Etc...

2009-02-27T13:46:00.008-06:00

Woot Woot Friday!

2009-02-27T10:36:00.002-06:00

Well, another week passed by... it's been a bit crazy, but that's my life. Colby was pukey sick all week. Only went to school on Tuesday and Friday! Poor guy. Zane is happy go lucky Zane. A good week for him. Justin proposed.. again.. to me last night :) What a sweetheart he is. I think he really does love me! And, I, started a temp. part time position with one of my bestest friends every- Tonya! Yeah, the job is boring.. but instead of texting her all day, I can just walk into the other room and talk to her :) Today, I've got Dallas- Tonya's son- and I'm listening to him and Zane play... firetrucks or something. I hear fire truck sirens in the background? Ok, so Dallas just went by with the firetruck and cowboy guns in holsters attached to his belt... lol. Kids are so funny.
So, like I said, busy busy! Don't get the wrong idea tho, I am still doing photography full time. Just filling time while the business is slower. We have a birthday party and one year old portrait sessions tomorrow, so check out the website for new photos!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-25T10:44:00.003-06:00

An afternoon at the park

2009-02-24T18:28:00.007-06:00

What a beautiful afternoon! Here's some pics from our trip to the park.

Random Needs vs. Wants

2009-02-24T10:32:00.009-06:00

I need...

to desperately wash this gray right outta my hair!

to get the rest of this stuff for sale on ebay and outta my house!

to finish up some acctg. work for the fire dept.

to call an old friend.

to have dinner with another friend.

to go visit another.

a drinky drink with the girls.

to dust.

a hubby hug.

a mooch from Zane.

a non shedding, puking cat.

I want...

a tan.

a mani/pedi.

a massage.

a vacation.

a clothing makeover.

mmmm.... some girl scout cookies.

more money for all of the above.

some 70 degree weather.

to go camping.

to go to the lake.

Hey Baby...

2009-02-24T09:35:00.003-06:00

My Justin and I celebrated our wedding anniversary this weekend with dinner and some much deserved alone, quiet time. After our dinner out, we came home... he in his recliner, me on the floor.. started a movie and I think we were both asleep before the previews ended.. which was around 9 p.m. Happy Anniversary :) It was nice to have some quiet time where he and I could actually have a conversation. Don't get me wrong, I love love the stories that my little ones make up after hearing about our days, but again just nice for some adult convo!
So, anyway, back to the anniversary weekend... of course we sent the boys to my mom's to get some grandma/grandpa time. Before I go on, her keeping them is much appreciated. She does love them with all she has and that is awesome. It's just funny the stuff that the boys come home doing. She's just a crazy grandma. She's the complete opposite of the mom I knew growing up. They get to eat candy, and drink soda, and stay up late, and the list goes on..... I just have to shake my head in wonder?? I know someday I will be a grandma too and will probably be exactly like her. lol. I'm rambling, I know.. so, my littlest sweetest baby in the world.. who will be 3 on Saturday :(... comes home saying.. "Hey Baby, Hows your day?" I was like.. hey who?? Everything is now "Hey Baby"... "Here's your phone, Baby"...... "Whats up Baby?".... "I love you Baby" and not baby baby.. like deep voice baybah. Again, shaking my head in wonder... with a smile.

Ahhh... Monday

2009-02-24T00:25:00.004-06:00

Today I was supposed to start a temporary part time position working with my friend Tonya. I'm excited to work with her as we get along great and we get to car pool and we get off at 330.. the list goes on. So anyway, my oldest wakes up with an upset stomach! What a way to venture back into the working world! haha. So, yes... it's a Monday
I had to call in on my first day.
The damn cat puked on the carpet.
I had no potatoes, so we had to eat french fries with roast.. somehow that just doesn't seem right to me.
I'm still a bit @#$$%#$^%^%* from yesterdays events... T knows...
It's 1230 on Tuesday and I'm not tired.
I asked my husband to bring me a coke from Casey's... he forgot!
I was tickling my 3 year old and loving his giggle.. then started thinking of the day he will have a big man laugh.

Seven

2009-02-21T16:35:00.002-06:00

Today my husband and I celebrate 7 years of marriage. It's crazy to think that it's already been 7 years. Tho he drives me to drink some days, I couldn't ask for a better man. I never believed in destiny much until we met each other. I had a friend Kindra, who was married to Justin's friend Kevin and yet, Justin and I never met or knew each other. We were at the same concerts and bars and Stillwater Calf Fry's and rodeos and weddings.... and yet never once met. When he finally asked me out, it was love at first sight. I knew he was the one that I would spend the rest of my life with. He is everything I am not and that makes us perfect together. Our first date was October 3rd, I was pregnant by the end of December and married on February 21st. It was a crazy first year for us, but we made it. Colby was born Sept. 6th that year.

I am a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason. We learn from our mistakes. My past helps me appreciate Justin for all that he is to me and our boys. Heartbreak, disappointment.. it makes us stronger.

I wouldnt take anything back for a second.

Happy Anniversary!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-18T11:55:00.002-06:00

so, i have this friend...

2009-02-17T23:22:00.004-06:00

~ Depth of friendship does not depend on length of acquaintance. ~
Rabindranath Tagore

and she loves me for who i am... not what i have or what i do.. this is the friend i will keep in my heart forever. she knows. and i thank her and love her for all she has shown me in the last few months.... she is the friend that will be in my life when we are 80.getting drunk.camping somewhere.gettin a tan.still looking good.all while i'm giggling the entire time :)

love ya.

I sowwy mama

2009-02-16T12:45:00.004-06:00

My dear boys.. Colby and Zane. Why is it that being a mother some days is completely heartbreaking. Colby is 6, going on 15 and Zane is almost 3 and going on whatever Colby is. They whine, bicker, pester, aggravate, poke, pick, slap... etc. etc. Just to get each other all huffy and mama to yell. I think they like me to yell somedays. I really wish they didn't because it makes me feel like a bad mom and I know I am not. They have always been the best behaved boys, but the last 6 months or so it seems that the little shits, yes- I said little shits, have a mission to drive me crazier than I already am. I actually made little Zane put his nose in the corner the other day because I didn't know what else to do. In one ear and out the other.. then he looks at you with the sweetest little eyes and puffed out lip 'I sowwy mama' Yeah, sure, how do you not just pick him up and say 'ok, honey, just don't do it again' Ugh. Then there's Colby. He's got the Kindergarten attitude. I've always told him that he gets all his goodness out when he's at school. Doesn't have any left for home. I swear it's true too. So, after this weekend of continuous bickering, whining, pestering. etc.etc. we have officially grounded Colby for the first time from his 4-wheeler. Now, if you have a little farm boy yourself, then you know just exactly how traumatizing being grounded from your 4-wheeler can be. There were tears... tried really hard to hide them, but yes they were there. On top of that, I have found this behavior form online.. it's a picture of a truck and for every good day of behavior they get to put a sticker in the truck. The brother that fills the truck up first gets a prize. Not yet decided what prize... guess we will see when someone fills that truck... haha. Let's hope it doesn't take that long! So, after this crazy stressful weekend, I became that mom... with the charts. Ugh. But, whatever works is my goal for now.
So, good news, this morning.. Colby got out of bed. Dressed. Shoes. Brushed teeth. I didn't have to raise my voice once. He was early, came and cuddled on the couch with me before it was time to go. Picked up his clothes and turned off lights without being told. WHY WHY WHY did we have to ground and create charts to get him to cooperate??? Zane woke up perky as always. Has been a little angel all day.
We'll see how well the behavior chart works.... I cross my fingers. I know they are good boys, it's just getting that goodness to come out at home!

Random

2009-02-16T00:43:00.002-06:00

1. I'm hate germs.
2. I believe in love at first sight.
3. I have the cutest kids in the world!
4. I wish I could see you just one more day.
5. My husband is the best person I've ever known. He made me believe in people again, always helps me see the lighter side of everything and taught me forgiveness. He helps me be a better person.
6. I HATE cotton.. it give me chills from my head to my toes!
7. It took me 31 years to find my "thing" in life. To finally figure out that I am very good at something, and have the confidence to know it.
8. I enjoy being 30 because I am finally happy with who I am.
9. I believe everyone has a soulmate.
10. I don't spend enough time with friends that live in other towns and there is no excuse for it.
11. I have a thing for older men with gray hair and blue eyes.
12. I once dated a man that was 20 years older than me.
13. I can't roll my r's in Spanish.
14. Nothing is more relaxing to me than driving fast with the sunroof open, windows down and loud rock n roll playing on the radio! (80's hairbands are my fav)
15. I hope that my boys find someone to spend their life with that loves them as much as their dad and I love each other.
16. Somedays I love being a stay at home mom/photographer, somedays I enjoy putting my kids to bed at 7.
17. I hate laundry.
18. I love cleaning other peoples houses.
19. I just got my nose pierced... I'm going to be 32 this year. But, I love it.
20. I look forward to a girls night every week!!
21. I wish my mom and Kraige lived closer so the boys could see them more often.
22. I'm happy for my little sister being who she is at such a young age.
23. I wish I could go back and thank all the people that helped me when I needed it the most.
24. As much as I hate to admit it, I am just like my mother.
25. I am not perfect and I love that about me.

A little intro... my crazy simple life

2009-02-15T22:54:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking about blogging for awhile now... I guess tonites the night. As I sit here at the computer, the house is so quiet. I really enjoy my late nights to myself. Kids are sound asleep, hubby too.. and here I sit typing a blog. My schedule is a bit off lately. Stay up late, then up early to get kids around.. take a nap once in awhile just to catch up. Some days I think I've really lost it.. quitting a great salary job to stay at home with my boys and work on my photography business in times like this. But, how does one decide what is more important in life... I had to.

In this moment, I could not be happier. It's giving me a chance to remember myself and who I was before I became that busy mother and wife. I really didn't know which end was up or down. I had lost myself somewhere along the way. It was definitely not where I wanted to be or even where I thought I would be at 31. How does one decide what is more important in life.. family or money. I saw myself becoming that mom that misses all the ball games and field trips and class parties because of some big important job she has. I just couldn't do it anymore. For me, family is all you have. We could make it without the unnecessary purchases in exchange for more mommy time. So, with the support of my dear husband and wonderful friends, I took a huge step and left my job. I am now a full time wife, mother and photographer.